Thursday, March 12, 2009

Vacuum Cemetery

At home I'm known as the Vacuum Queen. Silly as it is, I love this chore. I vacuum no less than three times a week, and usually mop twice.

Now don't forget, I also have 2 small boys, a husband and a dog. I haven't figured out just yet if they are in charge of making the mess, or the mess follows them. Either way, it's a constant battle for cleanliness.

Because of this strange habit of mine, you can probably imagine that I have gone through more than one vacuum. Well, this August my husband and I will have been married for seven years. Exactly 4 vacuums have gone to heaven since we've been together.

I can't exactly explain what happened to any of them. All I remember is one day I was bringing home my shiny new vacuum and a couple months later there was a funny smell. This would often be followed by regurgitating dust particles, sometimes smoke, and only once a little flame. (Not a full blown fire. Just something that was easily put out with a palm, shoe and old shirt.

Most people probably think I put my vacuums through hell just by using them so much. The truth is, I'm actually quite gentle. I clean the beater brush regularly, empty canisters and change bags, but to no avail. The closest I came to torturing a vacuum was the time my husband threw his fishing line in the guest room table. Only he accidentally left a little hanging on the floor. In I came with the vacuum. You can imagine what happened next. Imagine having your car in Park, the ignition turned on. Now place your foot on the gas pedal all the way to floor, and don't let up for about 10 seconds. That was the sound I heard. It was followed by a flume of smoke, a small chuckle (yes, it laughed at me), then finally silence. Poor guy never stood a chance.

After vacuum #4 went into the light, my husband vowed that we would spend some money and buy a nice vacuum. Something "top of the line" I think he said. So that Christmas I received an Oreck. I know some women would be completely disappointed with receiving an appliance for a Christmas gift. I however knew what was in that box. I think I heard angels singing.

And so, after sending 4 vacuums to the cemetery, I have been the proud owner of a trusty Oreck for the past 2 years. That is until yesterday. I was vacuuming (of course) when that all too familiar smell of burning rubber began to resonate from the undercarriage of my favorite appliance. Immediately I ran to the receptacle and pulled out the cord. "No no no, not you," I cried. I can't let this happen again. I turned it on it's side to see if I accidentally grabbed anything (like invisible fishing line). There was nothing to be found. "It will be all right," I promised my friend. "It will be all right."

Well tomorrow is a new day. Hubby will be home during the morning shift. I have already added "Change the belt on the Oreck" to his Honey-Do List. It's an easy remedy, and one that I hope will work. The thought of putting another vacuum to rest hardly sits well with me. This guy was truly loyal. In it's short life span it must have tackled at least 100lbs. of cheerios, not to mention the countless other morsels that have fallen from our dining room table.

Until then, it's back to the basics. A broom and a dustpan. Tear :(

Tune in tomorrow (same Bat Time same Bat Channel) to find out: Did Honey change that belt? Did Mr. Oreck respond? or Did another vacuum "Beat the Dust?"


Kathy B! said...

Mommy Maestro, you are so funny!!

I can't wait to tune in tomorrow to see if another one "beat the dust." That one's worth it's weight in gold : )

Anonymous said...

This post was especially hilarious.

Jenn H.

Irishembi said...

My MIL attends the same University of Vacuum Usage. Except she's nowhere near as gentle. I've been with my husband for 14 years, and in that time we've owned an ancient rebuilt Hoover (seriously this pink vacuum deserved to go to a museum) picked up at a garage sale for 10 bucks, a Hoover Wind Tunnel that is still kicking, just relegated to basement use due to the dog smell that emanates from it no matter how often we take it apart and clean it, and our current Kenmore canister vac that I am less than enamored with. But somewhere in there, we also inherited a castoff Hoover form my MIL with the words, "I broke another one. If you can fix it, you can have it."

When my husband took it apart he found an entire roll of surgical tape. She had to work pretty hard to not only roll over that but get it picked up.

Hopefully a new belt was all the Oreck required.

Anonymous said...

Jenn H. sent me here and I'm so glad she did. That was hysterical! My husband tried to murder my vacuum cleaner (death by sneaker shoelace)so that he could get out of vacuuming in the future. I'm wise to his wily ways. A new belt and he (and the vacuum) were good to go.
Angela D.