Sunday, November 29, 2009

When Your Personal Trainer Calls It Quits!

Last July I joined the most wonderful gym. Sure, I've joined gyms before, but this one was different. I literally salivated as I was given the tour. It was pristine! Unlike anything I've ever seen.

To begin, I was greeted by a waterfall in the lobby. The gym even had it's own spa. It offered swimming lessons for my children (which was it's main selling point). In addition, it even offered to watch the boys for an hour while I worked out during the summer. This is the help I needed.

My membership included a personal trainer who designed an incredible workout. He even checks in with me regularly. Which unfortunately this month, ended up being, a not so good thing.

As I opened my email tonight I read the words: "Did not make your goal."

"What, how could that be?" I thought.

But then I thought some more:

Turkey, cornbread, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, pumpkin pie, lions and tigers and bears OH MY!

"What have I done?"

First thing Monday morning after I drop the kids off at school, guess where I'll be?

That's right, you guessed it, Dunkin Doughnuts!

Who couldn't use a nice hot cup of coffee before their workout?

Sunday, November 22, 2009

And Then The Dog Ate My Pastry!

Six years ago I decided to have children. After discovering there was no direction manual, I almost threw in the towel. I mean for God sakes. Who gives you something that large and decides: "Just figure it out yourself." Even my Bow flex came with a video.

So I'm doing the best I know how, and whether that is good enough, only time will tell. I gathered the boys together this morning and headed to church. I thought this would be a good idea (since we had missed a few weeks). We quickly rehearsed the rules of church in the minivan. As we entered, I blessed myself with holy water, then moved aside so the boys could do the same. Potter did a fine job. Then it was Scooter's turn.

"I'm not sticking my hand in there," He said.

"It's holy water," I told him.

"Nope, I'm not doing it," He warned again.

For goodness sake. I don't know what got into the boy. The only thing I could figure was he saw a bowl of water and thought the next thing I was going to make him do was bathe. He can roll around in mud for hours, but let him see water in any other shape than a mud puddle, and he runs the other way.

Well, in a nutshell, that was the type of day it would be. All in all, this was one of their better days. With the week we have before us, my head is spinning as how we are going to complete our list.

I'm still trying to figure how I'm going to turn the dining room back into something I recognize. Yesterday, I hosted an Avon Open House. It turned out wonderful, but unfortunately it still resembles the likeness of a Macy's window display. "God, give me strength!"

While I was busy with customers, my sister decided it would be hysterical to change my screen saver into a picture of herself. Nothing like finding that image at 7am. And although I've tackled Bloggy Land with much vigor, I am a product of the 80's. Which basically means my computer skills came in the form of a game called PONG. There was a blinking square where my cursor left off, and my Radio Shack computer screen was absent of color. I didn't hear the word internet until I was almost out of college. If someone told me to click a mouse, I would tell them: "You click it first." Needless to say, my sister's picture may be a permanent addition to my computer.

When the kids finally went down for the night, I couldn't wait to get my hands on the left over pastry from yesterday. But as usual, my mind was in many places, and I forgot that I placed my pastry on the coffee table. (The same coffee table where Harley was sitting.)

Before I knew it; my pastry had been claimed. Claimed by an 11lb poodle mix. Probably 12 lbs. after that pastry.

Luckily, there was more. I'm currently trying to work off the pastry by typing at rapid speeds. Harley however has given in, and has slowly crept into a sugar coma.

Sweet dreams Harley Dog, Sweet Dreams!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Thanksgiving. It's for the Birds!!!!

There's nothing like sticking your warm hands into a three foot deep freezer searching frantically for the perfect Thanksgiving bird. in it's infinite wisdom provided a calulator for us newbies which help you figure out how much turkey is needed based on the number you've invited to dinner.

It's funny how this works out. Because although I may be hosting Thanksgiving once again, I rarely know how many are coming until they actually show up that day. And may I add, that it really doesn't matter, because in my mother's infinite wisdom, she realized that I will never cook a turkey and therefore takes on the job herself.

At last count we were at 11 guests. Let's not forget the 2 who will be joining us by Skype. (I'm unsure how that works. Do I set a place for them also?)

Turns out that according to the math, we will be needing a 21 pound bird. The butcher told us to come back because he just put in an order for a shipment of 20 plus pound birds. It didn't look too promising. I told my Mom to cook (2) 10 and a half pound birds. I guess that comment alone got me kicked off kitchen duty. When I was asked how I planned on fitting both in the oven and I gave the answer: "We can microwave one," it just added insult to injury.

While I was writing this post I received notice from Mom that they found a 21 pound bird. I'm unsure exactly where they found it. For all I know it was a clean shot. (Need I go any further?) If Mom gives thanks for her new down comforter on the big day, I'll get my answer soon enough.

Until then, may you all find that perfect Turkey. And if you're as lucky as I am, may someone else cook it for you.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

If It Could Be Sunday Forever

I'm finally sitting. Hard to believe that my day began at 6am and I've been going full force ever since. I had to be at a show to sell Avon today which required loading the car, then unloading the car, then loading the car, then finally unloading the car.

Once again, I chose my most comfortable pair of shoes....NOT! Let me try that one again. Once again, I chose my most fashionable boots that make my feet look great on the outside, but make me cry in agony on the inside. Needless to say,the recliner is currently resting my sore, swollen feet. I may walk again by morning, but I've learned my lesson....Scratch That. Fashion will always reign first. I just can't help myself.

So I get home and begin checking the calendar. Oh My Gosh! Let's go through the run down: Monday I have to meet with my Writing Critique Group (If only they knew the only work I have to show is this darn blog, I may be kicked out!).

Tuesday is Grandparents Day at Potter's school. My Mom plans to come back to the house so we can buy the Turkey. I have an appointment at the consignment store to turn in some toys and make room for Santa stuff.

Wednesday is Parent Day at Potter's School. Hubby took off to help out with Scooter. I will go to spend time with Potter. After school is the H1N1 shot for Potter. The county notified us kindly after we filled out all the paperwork that they will not be administering any shots to Pre-K children. So we're keeping our fingers crossed for Scooter, because it seems unlikely that we will be finding a shot for him any time soon. I suppose the Bird Flu will be back before we get our next notice.

Sometime this week I have to fit in Karate, Prep Class, and Thanksgiving shopping. I also have the desserts to pick up for the Open House on Saturday.

I generally love to be busy, but this is going to be a challenge. Hubby also notified me that the rugs will need to be steamed again because Harley Dog had an accident in the Dining Room. Apparently Harley didn't notice that the same rug was steamed just three days ago. It must have something to do with the feel of pooping on fresh carpet, because this isn't the first time Harley pulled that stunt.

So I'm dead tired now, but not too tired to watch Desperate Housewives (which is beginning right now).

If only it could be Sunday Forever!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A Prayer for Fish Fish

For the past four years, a little guy by the name of Fish Fish swam in our aquarium. We bought Fish Fish at Pet Smart shortly after Scooter was born. My husband had finally decided to throw in the towel concerning his 90 gallon salt water extravaganza located in the basement. He was so excited when he set that tank up, but shortly realized that once the babies began to arrive, there was no longer "Me Time." That mixed with the fact that Wifey wasn't a fish lover, and refused to help support his salty habit.

So we went smaller...much smaller. This aquarium was set up in the office. No salt this time. We bought 2 fish: Fish Fish and Mr. X. (I can't actually remember Mr. X's real name since Fish Fish didn't seem to like being in the same tank with him and decided it would be funny if he chased him every chance he got. Needless to say, Mr. X quickly went into cardiac arrest.

Fish Fish soon enjoyed all the extra room. We talked about buying him a new friend, but based on what he did to his last friend, we decided that it would be a better idea if Fish Fish swam solo.

Days, then weeks then years went by, and Fish Fish still kept swimming. The children went from crawling to walking to attending school. They even learned to feed Fish Fish.

And then came yesterday.

I sat in the office chair working on the computer. Fish Fish always came out to greet me. Sometimes it took a while, so I didn't give it much thought when I didn't see him. After I finished my work I decided to look for Fish Fish. And that's when I discovered him. Laying so nicely on his favorite hiding place. Fish Fish had passed.

"Don't cry," I thought to myself. "It's just a fish." But it wasn't just any fish, it was Fish Fish. And it wasn't Fish Fish dying that brought a tear, it was the years gone by and the memories that took place with Fish Fish in the background. It was First birthdays, and presents surrounding the aquarium. It was fingerprints on the glass from babies trying to pull themselves into a standing position. It was lip smudges from toddlers giving kisses to their fish buddy. It was chair marks in the carpet from children who needed an extra inch to throw some food in the aquarium. And all at once, it's gone.

"So how do we tell the children,?" I asked my husband. Men have a way with words, there's no beating around the bush. So when he blurted it out to the children, I wanted to cringe. I would have handled it with much more care. But I'm a Mom, that's my job.

Surprisingly the boys handled it better than expected. One wanted to know if we could get new fish. The other asked if he could see the body?

"Excuse me?" What the heck am I raising? This has to be a bad dream. But then, there was today.

Scooter was sitting in the back of our minivan. We were on our way to Walmart. Suddenly, Scooter asked: "Can we say a prayer for Fish Fish?"

"Sure," I said.

And it went something like this:

"Dear God, please take care of my Fish Fish. Make sure he has a big aquarium that he doesn't have to share with another fish. Make sure he has plenty of food. And please remember to keep him away from the sharks. Amen.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Got Diapers?

It wasn't too long ago that I was waste high in diapers...both clean and dirty. So despite surviving that period in my life; I sympathize with those of you who are still knee deep.

While the prices of many items may fluctuate, the cost of diapers seems to have steadfastly continued to rise. So where does one go to make that purchase?

May I suggest a trip to your local Sam's Club. While Sam's Club is known to sell a variety of items, the prices for their baby diapers are extremely competitive.

Major brands such as Huggies and Pampers are carried by Sam's Club. From Newborn to training pants; there's no shortage of sizes.

Sam's Club offers the convenience of buying in bulk. As a mom I appreciate such convenience when there are children in tow. All too often, there is just not time to do a weekly shopping trip. Bulk items help keep cost down while also allowing me to keep the closets stocked with the most important items.

If all this seems to good to be true, just wait. You can also have your diapers shipped directly to your home.

Sleepless nights may continue for a bit longer, but with the help of Sam's Club, expensive diapers are a thing of the past.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

And If I Die Before I Wake.......

I'm not a huge Dr. Phil fan, but I once remember hearing him give very good advice. He said: "Do not marry a person until you see them sick." He then went on to explain that he wasn't talking about the common cold. What he meant was the sick where you become one with your pajamas, your hair is more matted than the dog, and your mouth and butt simultaneously take turns fighting for toilet time.

That was easy for me. Once I had children, I became a magnet for germs. I was like a walking case of Ebola. If the kids got it, so did I. As soon as I heard a cough come from one of their mouths, I began frantically searching for the safe room. Soon I realized there was no hiding. Apparently kid germs have a long incubation period, and all those kisses and hugs just add to anxiety.

One thing I noticed over the years was my husbands inability to catch a cold. Sure he's gotten a few, but nothing like the knock down drag out no-cure viruses I seem to catch. He's back on his feet in 24 hours.

I've seen the man vomit once during our tenure together. Let's just say there was no virus to blame. I found him the next day in our guest bedroom wrapped in my winter coat. Well, we were once young too. And there was a time that children were just a thought. My, how we've grown.

And then three days ago on Halloween, my husband mentions he doesn't feel well. He blamed it on all the running we were doing. We didn't get a chance to eat much, and before we knew it, it was time to take the children Trick or Treating.

But then it was Sunday. My husband looked the color of Elmer's Glue. I sprang into action: prescription, chicken soup, provide quiet time by taking children to Target with me. I figured he would be back on his feet in 24 hours.

No such luck. It's now Tuesday night. I've officially quarantined him to our bedroom. Something he is severely pee-owed about since I've been told the bedroom TV doesn't get the premium channels. (Obviously, that was my concern).

This is the first time in ten years that I've seen my husband this sick. Usually when I look like that I get to hear the famous words: "Man Up!" Generally the kids still find a way to their Mommy despite trails of vomit, beads of sweat, and a note to God written on her forehead: "Take Me Now!"

So Dear Hubby, as I get ready to go to bed tonight, I am tempted to roll over and tell you to "Man Up!" Instead, I will make sure you get to a doctors office tomorrow. I will make sure you take your medicine, stay hydrated, and get plenty of rest. I will roll those heavy trash cans down the driveway, take down the Halloween decorations, fill Avon orders, pack for the weekend craft show, make dinner, bathe children, feed children, dress children, bring and pick up children from school, take children to Karate, Prep, and swimming, supervise homework, read notes and sign paperwork. I will wash, fold and put away clothes. I will vacuum and mop after every spill. I will read stories, entertain and act like I enjoy every minute of it. Because the truth is....I do!

Those same 2 words I said to you seven years ago (In sickness and in Health).

By the way, when I'm on my death bed next week due to contamination issues, and you have no idea where to begin, refer to one paragraph up. That should get you started! Hope you feel well soon. I love you.