Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Thirty Six Wishes

In less than 24 hours I will be another year older. The thing I noticed about turning 36 is that it really isn't significant. Don't believe me? Check out any birthday card kiosk. It is there that you will find a card for 35 and 40. But if you are a little off the beaten path...let's say 36, Forget It!

So in honor of all that is wrong with this age, I decided to keep with trends and make 36 wishes. I mean why should I only get one. It's really unfair to the other 35 candles that lined up to celebrate as well.

Hold on to your hats ladies. After you're done reading this list, you'll wish you were 36 today too.

I wish for:

1) World Peace (This is strictly a default answer for when it's time to go to my final resting place, and God wants to know why I was so greedy on my 36th Birthday).

2) A visit from Manola Blahnik stating he has the perfect size 11 shoe just for me.

3) Soft toilet paper in Mall bathrooms (face it, the urge only happens when our arms are loaded with clothes).

4) Clothes Dryers with a self-folding option. (My oven has a self cleaning option..what gives?)

5) Meet Oprah Winfrey.

6) Road construction that is performed between midnight and 4 am. (Let's face it, they're never going to finish anyway. What's a few less hours on the job?)

7) A grocery cart where all 4 wheels work.

8) A dozen roses for that guy who cut me off the other day. (Judging by his middle finger, his day was worse than mine).

9) A Fast Line at the grocery store that actually deserves the name.

10) A Personal Chef, or at least someone with enough patience that could show me how to cook. ("Paging Rachel Ray. Attention, Mrs. Ray.")

11) A Christmas List from my children that does not require a second mortgage.

12) A beautiful sunset, and time to watch it.

13) More "great" teachers.

14) Less rudeness.

15) More kindness.

16) A world where it's safe to let our children run outside.

17) A cup of hot cocoa (with fluff of course).

18) Schools with adequate budgets. (Where did your tax money go this year?)

19) Politicians who care just as much about this country as my grandparents did.

20) The right to speak one's mind- even if it isn't always "politically correct."

21) A comfortable pair of sneakers.

22) A car that rides like a Cadillac but requires the payment of a Kia.

23) A hot air balloon ride.

24) A third arm. (If you're a Mom; you understand).

25) A family portrait.

26) Curiosity.

27) Good health.

28) A warm bath.

29) A piece of delicious chocolate, with the calories of a tic tac.

30) A smaller butt.

31) Wisdom. (To understand only exercise will assist Wish #30)

32) A share in Apple Stock. (Dear Mr. Gates, I've been real good this year...)

33) The ability to be present in every moment.

34) Be a good friend, a good wife, a great Mom.

35) Pay it Forward.

36) Be grateful. Even if I only get one wish on my list, I am still the luckiest woman I know.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

How I Miss 9 to 5

Lately I've been missing nine to five. Back when I was a kid; that was your work hours. Unless of course you happened to be a farmer (then all bets were off). But if you were just a regular Joe, you could count on your Dad pulling in the driveway around 5:30pm. Mom would have dinner ready on the table. My siblings and I would see how fast we could scoff down our food so we could return to the backyard for some more play before the sun gave up for the day.

But things are different now. If you are one of the lucky ones who still have a job, you're holding on for dear life. Realizing that your pink slip may soon show up at the top of the pile, you no longer work to live, but must live to work.

The day is gone when Dad left for work sometime around 8:15 am. Some kids don't even get to see their Daddies in the morning. Unfortunately, some don't get to see their Mommies either.

If you think this way of life isn't affecting us; take a long hard look around you. When was the last time a stranger smiled at you, held a door, or borrowed sugar? When was the last time you sat down to dinner with the entire family, gone on vacation, or given up your place in line?

We are overtired, overworked, hurried, underpaid, overindulged, and blinded by simplicity. We have taken someone else's definition of who we "must" be, where we "must" be; and turned it into our own credo.

It's time to slow down, and to become happy once more.

How about you start tomorrow. Let's say 9 am.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

No Thank You, I'll Do It Myself

While I finished my breakfast and coffee this morning, I quickly scanned through my email. I noticed one that had come from my library. To my surprise, it was an overdue notice.

Now I was positive that I had returned our books. I remembered it so well in fact because I had counted the books twice before I left the house to make sure I had everything. I then drove to the library and threw all our books down the chute.

As it turns out, they received all the books but one. Which by the way was the audio selection my husband choose. Immediately I went into recovery mode. Maybe it had fallen out of the bag? Maybe it was under the car seat? Maybe the dog ate it?

With no luck I decided to head over to the library. And this is when it happened:

I approached the desk and kindly explained to the librarian my situation. I told her I had placed all the books in the bin at the same time, so I didn't understand how there was just one missing. And believe it or not, this is what came out of her mouth next:

"Well, did you look for it on the shelf?"

I was convinced at this point that the bun on her head had been pulled entirely too tight. All I could get out of my mouth was: "Really?"

Clearly she had witnessed me walk through the doors less than a minute ago. How she thought it was possible for me to have scanned the library for a book that was legitimately returned a week ago, but was now being held over my head with a $10 fine and a collection threat, was a mystery to me.

I was suddenly likening my library to one of those old abandoned buildings where some entrepreneur comes through in October and hires all the towns teenagers to dress the place up in cobwebs and black sheets then charge the public an unbelievable amount of money and convince them it's haunted.

My librarian was Head Ghoul.

Well in the spirit of all that is Halloween, I graciously went to search for my book. Since I realized said Head Ghoul's ass was stuck to said stool.

And guess what? That's right. I found it!

Luckily when I returned, Head Ghoul had vanished (Probably hanging upside down behind the book case). However, in her place was left a much kinder, gentler librarian who must have overheard my story.

She immediately scanned in the book and cleared off my card. And in the blink of an eye, I was no longer a Wanted Woman.

I try not to be of the mindset that "When you want the job done right, you have to do it yourself." I try to believe in people and their abilities, especially if they've been hired to do the job. However, when I was asked to go look for that book myself, I have to admit I was thrown for a loop.

I'm thinking next time I need to return some books; I'll just save everyone the trouble, and scan them in myself.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Bye Bye Character Underwear

So there I was in Kohl's last week (enjoying the freedom that a 30% coupon gives one). When it was time to begin to shop for the boys.

I still love shopping for my kids. I realize one day soon, they will no longer want to wear the fashions that I have chosen for them. But until that day arrives (I was soon in for a surprise), I will continue one of my favorite "Mommy Jobs."
I had told the boys to follow Hubby so that they could pick out some new underwear. Within seconds, Scooter returned to show off the Scooby Doo and Transformer underwear that he just had to have. It's funny how some of the simplest of things can bring a smile to their faces.
Finally, Potter returned.
"I decided to get these," he said.
He handed me the package. "Wait a minute," I thought. Where's Scooby Doo, Sponge Bob, Spiderman?" They were absolutely plain.

"I didn't want the cartoon ones anymore, Mom."

What did I just hear? No cartoons. He still watches cartoons. Why doesn't he want them on his underwear? And just like that, I felt it. The overwhelming feeling that my son was growing up. And it was happening right in the middle of the underwear section at Kohls.

Suddenly I wanted to leave. Especially when I saw the look on Hubby's face. He was overjoyed. It was as if Potter just hit his first home run. I didn't get it. A guy thing I guess.

There are lots of first in a child's life, and for the most part, we look forward to them. This underwear thing caught me totally by surprise. And to be honest, I could have used another year!