Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Yes, I Febrezed My Baby!

Motherhood: A milestone in ones life that said one has chosen for themselves but eventually realizes that despite numerous tips and or advice given by friends, family and loved ones; nothing will prepare you for the everyday chaos which now ensues your life.

Since we will all be celebrating Mother's Day this coming weekend, I thought it only appropriate to also celebrate the laughter that comes with being a Mom.

Whether you're a true blue novice or a polished authority, one thing remains true: There are no instruction manuals for motherhood. Advice will come in many forms: a best friend, an in law, a Hallmark card, a Lifetime Original Movie or even your own mother. Buyer Beware! Remember the dress that you rushed to the store to buy because it looked absolutely gorgeous on the model? Disappointment set in quickly when after trying it on you realized you may own the dress now, but you certainly don't own the dimensions of that model. It goes to show you, what may work for one person doesn't necessarily work for everyone else.

Advice is certainly not a bad thing. It has been used in many instances in this household. The day my son had a massive nose bleed, I sought advice.The day I thought I wanted to return to work, I sought advice. And the day the wheel flew off the stroller, I sought advice. Sometimes advice plays hide and seek while other days it stares you right in the face. Other times, it is no where to be found.

The last example brings me to a time several years back. My older son was still having problems with his digestive system. We were unsure if this stemmed from him being a preemie. After eating he would often regurgitate his food. Sometimes it would be the whole meal, other times just a little would come out. He also very often choked on his food. This led to performing the Heimlich maneuver more than once.

As with most crisis in one's home, you tend to get use to the daily chaos. After dressing my son in the morning, I would generally grab another pair of clothes for him just in case I couldn't catch the vomit (that's right folks, I caught it).

During this particular time, I was teaching, so the mornings were even more hectic when things didn't exactly fall into place. As usual, my son began to vomit. I caught a few drops, but the rest made it on his outfit. All right I thought, I'll just change him. And so I did. And so he repeated the process. "Unbelievable," I thought out loud. And so I changed him again.

The rest of the morning went fine until we reached the door to leave. That's when, despite there being no chance in hell that there could be any food left in my sons stomach; he found some. And because my hands were filled with a briefcase and a little brother, I missed that curve ball. And there it was, sliding down his new outfit. I was about to throw in the towel when I was hit with a bright idea.

Just beyond my vomit covered son was our laundry room. And sitting right on top of the washer was a bottle of Febreze. It was my lucky day! I quickly put down little brother and ran to get a wet rag. After all traces of scrambled eggs and toast were removed from his face and clothes, I began the process. Yes, I Febrezed my baby!

It's funny how one will react during a crisis situation. Although my heart was palpitating beyond normal levels, I tried to remain calm. And I did it all without any advice. Maybe this isn't the best of examples to point out, but it is certainly one of the funniest.

I was reminded the rest of that day what I had done due to the sweet smell of mixed vomit and the New and Improved Odor Eliminating Formula of Extra Strength Febreze which left it's trail everywhere from the minivan to my own clothes. (Odor eliminating my *%^#$@).

And so now I would like to raise a glass to Motherhood. For those of us that brave the front lines day after day. For those of you who can catch vomit with one hand. And finally for those of you who may have chosen to change your child one last time before reaching for a bottle of Febreze.

This one's for you!


ModernMom said...

I tried to get that horrid smell our of may carpet with Febreeze. It didn't work and now I can no longer use Febreeze!

Kathy B! said...

I don't really know what to say. I mean you hear about this stuff before you have kids but, there are never words to truly convey the ridiculousness of life sometimes!

I'm raising TW glasses to you tonight... It is Cinco de Mayo, ya know!

Cheryl said...

LOL, now THAT is funny! Necessity is the mother if invention, no? My gewurztraminer is raised in understaning :)

Del or Alice Patterson said...

This is funny stuff.
Your writing skills tell me that your book will be a huge hit.


Irishembi said...

We are truly kindred spirits. Just sayin' Here's to you!

ilovemy5kids said...

I can def. picture that moment...I now carry an old towel everywhere I go for the "just in case."

Thanks for visiting today and leaving a comment! Be blessed!

Housewife Savant said...

I came over from SITS and I'm GLAD.
Great post. Way to think on your toes.

Ann said...

I'm not alone.
Thank you Mary!!!

Ms.Emily said...

I loved this entry

you really do have a way with words :)

this made me smile

Noah's Mommy said...

oh man...I think after three changes...I would have done the same thing....Happy SITS day

Anonymous said...

Excellent work.

I'll raise a glass as well.

Mother rock (if I do say so myself.)

Debbie said...

So clever of you! Dropped by from SITS to learn how to mother and to say hi!

MommaYoung said...

OMGosh....I will have to remember that. My son went through that when he was very young, turned out his abdominal wall hadn't sealed tight so he was getting obstructions.. My daughter, his older sister, now panics when she things someone is going to get sick!

You have an award here

Jennifer said...

A one-handed catcher on top of all your other many talents? You are awesome. ;-)

Amy said...

I love it when I can "catch" vomit. It saves a lot of time and trouble. I have a time or two! I raise my glass as well!