Monday, February 21, 2011

No Mercy For the Groundhog

And just when I'm getting used to seeing my lawn for the first time since last month; God goes and pulls a quick one on me. As I walked by the television tonight I read the words: Winter Storm Warning.

"What the hell?" I thought. Sure, I live in Pennsylvania. Sure it's still officially Winter. But did anyone catch that 70 degree day we had last week?

It only takes one hot day to get me in Spring mood. I already visualized the opening of the pool, umbrella drinks and Reggae playing in the background. And now I must return to snow boots, shovels and frostbite.

Despite growing up in PA, I find nothing remotely respectable about winter. While I chisel ice from my windshield with a credit card, I anxiously await sunshine.

And while most of my neighbors will be dressed in long johns plus 2 additional layers tomorrow, I am ready to set up a lounge chair.

I may not be looking forward to waking up in the morning to 3 plus inches of snow, but I'll plow through. The only one enjoying any warmth tomorrow will be that damn ground hog. Who by the way, should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law for this stunt.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Has Anyone Seen My Ginko Biloba?

There are a lot of things I miss that I no longer have since I decided to have kids. But I think the thing I miss the most is my mind.

I shouldn't complain... I was warned. Well, sort of. I mean we've all heard of how women become forgetful when they're pregnant. I've heard that our brains actually shrink (This statement has not been approved by the FDA).

In any event, it so happens that what is lost is lost forever. Although I've tried to recapture that once youthful mind, it has refused to cooperate.

And so I'm left doing things like attempting to make coffee the other morning without water. (Even Juan Valdez himself would get a chuckle out of that one). And then there was the time I wasted wondering why my check for the American Express bill never cleared. Had it not been for that new purse I bought this week, I may never had realized that the stamped envelope was still waiting to be mailed by yours truly, and was filed nicely inside my wallet (Hello Late Fee).

So when Christina Aguilera flubbed the Star Spangled Banner at the Super Bowl this past week, I have to admit, I laughed a little. No wait, I laughed a lot.

I didn't bother ridiculing her like the rest of the world. Although a teleprompter may have been the way to go. While most of us can still remember Christina from her Mousekeeter Days, we have to admit that she is all grown up. And, she is a Mom. And we can only blame her forgetfulness on one thing: Brain Shrinkage!

And she wasn't the only one. In a bizarre attempt to copyright her own name, Mrs. Sarah Palin forgot to sign her own name to the bottom of the paperwork. Despite the irony, and the hundred or so Palin jokes that come to mind, it still comes back to the same reason: She's a Mom/Brain Shrinkage.

I've heard much about the supplement Ginko Biloba. Some research finds that it helps with forgetfulness. My recent issues with cerebral insufficiency have led me stumbling through medical journals and Googling words like: Brain Shrinkage, Blockhead and Charlie Brown. Despite whatever side effects may come along with this magical potion; I've realized I'm at the point of no return. Tomorrow becomes insufficient vocabulary if I can't remember today.

My only fear now? "Where did I put that bottle of Ginko Biloba?"