Monday, January 17, 2011

When a Christmas Gift Bites Back

Christmas shopping for me begins in late August. Yes, it's true. I'm a bit insane. However, nothing pleases me more than to know when the Christmas season finally arrives, I am more than half way done my shopping. Not to mention, the gifts are even wrapped.

For the most part, the kids are still easy to shop for. They tell you everything they want. It's just up to us to cut the list in half (once or twice), then hope Santa figures out the rest.

But when it comes to Husbands...I'm totally stumped. We are at a point in our lives where we have everything we need. Accumulating more just means throwing out what we already have. Occasionally I'm thrown a bone though.

My husband loves to watch the Food Channel. I find it entertaining myself (sometimes). I'm always amazed that even in the tiniest of kitchens; they seem to have everything they need to make a meal for a party of twelve. I have a hard time cooking for four.

Despite this, Hubby insist on having gadgets. So when he mentioned he wanted a mandolin- I was only a little surprised. First because I thought he was referring to the musical instrument. (This coming from a man that is perplexed by a kazoo). I finally realized he was referring to a vegetable slicer.

I hesitated slightly at his request based simply on luck. Yes, I said luck. Let's just say, Hubby didn't exactly pass "Safety Class" with flying colors. Here are a few examples: During driving school he plowed right into the back of another car (with the instructor in the passenger seat); while installing a patio in our back yard, he put the utility knife right through his knee (Stitches!), While taking down Christmas decorations he fell off a ladder (Broken Arm), While searching under a perfectly still sink, he came up and hit his head (Huge Knot).

So like the loving woman I am...I bought him a sharp object. And like the brave man he is; he decided to use it for the first time while I was out of the house. And if you're hoping for a happy ending; well you should have read a fairytale instead.

The call kind of went like this: "Do you remember that Christmas gift you bought me Babe?"

And I already knew. Luckily, all of his digits were still attached. However, based on the amount of band aids and paper towels missing; the loss of blood was significant.

Well, tomorrow is trash day. Needless to say, there will be a mandolin curbside.

I can hardly wait to find out what he wants next Christmas. I'm thinking a padded room will suffice.


ethelmaepotter! said...

Oh my, this is the funniest thing I've read in ages! I have one of those klutsy husbands, too - I keep band aids, ace bandage, gauze and tape, and neosporin on hand at all times.

After my Fred had a stroke several years ago, he was getting the pity treatment and milking it big time. Can you believe what he asked for? A table saw! A table saw for a man who had just lost partial use of one side of his body! What an idiot.

And the thing that was even more idiotic? After I refused to buy it for him, his sisters and niece pooled their money and got him one!

I married into a whole nest of idiots.

Michelle Saunderson said...

As I was reading this all I could think of is the old sitcom "Home Improvement". I am thinking for next Christmas maybe you can get him some Jello molds.

Kriste said...

lol! I hate shopping for my husband. He's in IT so his list consist of things like motherboards and RAM. Since I don't speak geek, I end up telling him to buy it and have me wrap it.

Dropped by from SITS.

Anonymous said...

My guy and I go shopping one day before Christmas together - and have a great time buying our gifts for each other. Nothing is a surprise, but the biggest gift is just spending the day together.

Maybe you ought to include a first-aid kit in all gifts! LOL