I consider myself to be of average intelligence. Like every other parent, I hoped that my children would one day grow up to be smarter than their Mom. I did not expect however that it would happen so early.
At ages 6 and 5, my children have turned into geniuses. This is the part where I guess I should break out my "Proud Mommy" shirt, but I must pause for a quick breath. For I realize sometimes the things we pray for are the exact things that will scare the hell out of us.
Take for instance the other day when I had to rent a car while my minivan was in the shop. As usual my children took the opportunity to beat on one another while I was forced to hold onto the wheel. I would glance into the rear view mirror only to find a flying arm, a hand full of hair and a child in a headlock. After a few threats and a million prayers for a Calgon, I decided to take it to the next step.
"If you boys don't quiet down now," I said. "I'm going to push the eject button."
All was quiet. So quiet in fact, I thought I may have been the first Mother to kill my children with a threat.
But not to worry. Like most pleasantries and tranquil moments in my life, they were quickly sucked out the window by the sound of laughter.
"This thing has an eject button?" The older one asked.
"Sure does." I said with complete certainty.
Again, silence. Then finally, my defeated moment began.
"Push it, Push it, Push it!" They yelled.
Car manufacturers should hang their heads low. For years their focus has surrounded such things as heated seats, anti lock brakes, video monitors and GPS systems. Had they only spoke to a Mom first.