When You and Your Vacation Clash

Well Everyone, I'm back in town and I couldn't be happier. The Pocono Mountains has some great attributes, but when I dream of vacations, I'm far away from Pennsylvania.

For the last six years, the family and I have rented a home in the Poconos. Due to the fact that these vacations are always booked online; some of these homes, let's just say, are not up to par. It's amazing what a little Photo shop will do for a property. Not to mention, a few white lies.

Believe me when I tell you that some people have posted pictures of brand new homes when in actuality the home is a few decades old. When you pull up, you find cobwebs, decks that are about to pull away from the house, and hot tubs filled with so much chlorine your skin dries out. Let the fun begin!

I realize that half the problem is definitely me. I have not one ounce of Davy Crockett in my blood stream. I don't pretend to like bugs, fishing, bears, or other nocturnal creatures that anxiously await until you're asleep so that they may tip your trashcans over to divulge in your barbecue leftovers.

I cringe when anything that has more legs than myself (aside from my beloved doggy) enters my domain. I love deer, but there's a special breed in the Pocono Mountains. The deer up there have no fear of humans or your vehicles. The fact that there are actually roads requiring you to drive faster than 55 miles an hour is truly a horror. It's Russian Roulette, and no matter if you drive 55 or 25 you're bound to get some use out of your brakes.

I tried hard year 1, 2, and even 3. By year's 4 and 5, the fun was running thin. Now in year 6, I decided to stop pretending. I came clean to my husband and told him that I don't want to rent any more. I've dropped hints over the years, but I finally broke down (right after my brand new minivan wouldn't start, and had to be towed to the nearest VW dealer 40 miles away). The tears must have done it.

I cook and clean every day of my life, and for the most part, I don't mind. But when I hear the word vacation, I want to get excited like everyone else. I want a week where I don't have to prepare meals or clean bathtubs.

So next year, it's official, we're going to a resort. I don't care if it's in the middle of the Pocono Mountains. I don't care if there are men with rifles hunting outside my suite. I don't care if there are bugs the size of my fist. Because my friends, I will be on vacation. The vacation of my dreams!