Does Anyone Have Directions?

In an ever changing world, I get that technology is a necessity. But honestly, I've had it! "Up to here I say!"

I consider myself a fairly intelligent person, but I'm done with buying new gadgets that have direction manuals the size of War and Peace, or better yet, no directions at all.

Case in point was the lovely IPOD I received for Christmas. While I never asked for an IPOD (at least I don't remember doing so) I think it's a pretty neat gadget. As excited as I was to receive my new toy, I noticed one thing missing from the box. I guess the Apple people thought that the directions could be condensed on that cute little insert they included. I found that same insert (different wording of course) in that pregnancy test box I bought in "03." Yeah, that one got me thinking too.

Apparently, for most of these gadgets, you don't need directions. If you play with something long enough, eventually you'll figure it out. That rule of course only applies to the over thirty crew. Those under thirty have graciously been born with some invisible chip in their brain that allows them to figure out any gadget known to man in less time than it takes to microwave a bag of popcorn.

I've witnessed it first hand. Did you see the girl on the news two weeks ago who won the texting competition? Fifteen year old Kate Moore was awarded $50,000 after texting over 14,000 messages. Seriously, have you ever? Hopefully, Ms. Moore will be saving that valuable cash for a good college. If that's not in the cards, I'm sure she'll be offered a terrific secretarial position.

You're sure to know when you've received a text from yours truly. It's riddled with misspellings and punctuation errors. I can't seem to get my darn fingers in those strange positions. Go ahead, send me a text,I dare you. You'll be waiting and waiting for a reply. Until my cell phone comes equipped with a full size keyboard, I'll just call you direct if you don't mind.

Just before I started writing this post I attempted to transfer some money from a popular on line banking company. I've used this company for quite a few years. I think it was shortly after I received the "Don't be afraid of technology speech" from Hubby again. That man moves as swiftly through the Internet as a virus. I just don't understand.

Anyway, I started to get these messages like: "We don't recognize this computer," and "please answer some security questions." Fine, I complied. The computer then went into thinking mode. I mean deep thinking mode. I mean coma, straight line, do not resuscitate mode!

Needless to say, as I punch away at these keys my bank is probably having a field day adding up the many late fees and over draft charges that are currently accruing.

By this time tomorrow, the only thing left to name will be my IPOD. Great! Does anyone have directions?

If God Wanted Something In That Hole; He Would Have Put It There Himself!

I am in awe over just how the male brain works. I guess if you ask one of them, they would probably give a similar answer about us females.

I am the proud mother of two little boys. Some days there are struggles, while other days go by like a breeze. No matter how the day is going, I have picked up a common theme. When a man finds a hole, there is a need to put something in it. As most of you have figured out by now this urge travels right into adulthood. Hence, the reason I now have two sons.

I recently took a trip into Potter's (the older son) room. I was asked if I could help him retrieve some Legos. Not a problem I thought. Then I was shown the point of origin. See Potter's bed was once a bunk bed, so there are now four post where the other bed fit on top. Inside the four post are four holes where the top bunk was attached. Guess where the Legos were?

Crammed deep inside a hole no bigger than the size of two fingers were a collection of red and blue Lego pieces. Next to the hole sat my little guy with that look of "My Mommy can do anything." Despite pulling out every tool known to man, I couldn't budge these Legos. While Potter was a little sad, he recovered quickly after finding another hole in our dining room.

Meanwhile, today while Scooter was in the playground, guess what he found? That's right, another hole. Not just one hole, but four holes. The holes were basically the size of half dollars. They are used for drainage on the play set when it rains. Apparently in a moment of genius he decided to cork the holes in an effort to create a mini spa on top of his play set. He removed the plastic spikes from the ground which are used to hold the tarp over their sandbox. Despite knowing he is not allowed to play with any type of spike, again, his need to fill a hole must have been much greater than his fear of his mother.

And even though those spikes were inserted with child like strength, they were not budging very easily. A trip to the garage allowed me to find the perfect tool. Two minutes later I returned with a metal putty knife....(don't ask).

A mother has the ability to turn any tool into a hammer. And believe you me, that's exactly what I did. With a little bit of strategy, I forced my 5 foot 8 inch frame into the 2 foot high kid fort. What next you ask? Well, shortly before losing consciousness, I banged the hell out of those stakes. And with a little help from Potter I finally removed the stakes from the holes. I would like to say that it was a magical moment. But that actually came after I removed my over sized Alice in Wonderland body from the "Play set of Terror."

As I've demonstrated, not every holey situation turns out the way we would like. My boys and I had a small pow-wow after this last catastrophe. It went a little like this:

"When one discovers a hole, whether in our home, in our yard, in our vehicle, or otherwise in this hemisphere, we will do our best to ignore the urge to stuff, wedge, thrust, drive, jam, pack, (or any other word which comes close to meaning destroy) any item, whether old or new, into a deep point of no-return. Because my children, when God makes a hole, it is his job, I repeat, his job to fill it!!!!!"

Yep, You Heard Me, I'm Building An Ark!

I was so excited for summer. Swimming, gardening, biking with the kids, picnics; I love it all. But my plans have been on pause these past few weeks. Why you ask? Well, it's been raining cats and dogs on and off for practically the entire month of June.

I have literally spent the last three weeks either in a house, a car, under an umbrella, a tree, an awning, wrapped in a rain coat, a newspaper, or running for my life between lightning strikes and 60 mile an hour winds. Yikes!

What a way to begin one of the most exciting times of the year. I look out my window into my backyard to see a pool that has been used only three times this season. The third time was actually this afternoon. The clouds parted just enough to allow the sun to finally warm the water above 70 degrees. The kids were overjoyed to play in water that didn't come from a puddle, a raincloud, or wasn't referred to as a "bath."

There is an upside to all of this rain: We haven't had to water the flowers or fill the pool. Of course the downside to those two upsides are a fungus caused by all the rainwater is slowly killing my rose bushes, and the rain has left the pool ten degrees colder than usual....BLAH!

I once considered myself a creative person, but I am finally running out of ideas for the kids. We've done coloring, reading, arts and crafts, movies, and Wii Fit. But I hit the jackpot when I had children. They love to be outside.

It's all my fault! I've trained them not to waste their day in front of a television or video games. This seemed to be a wonderful idea until this monsoon blew in. I have been made to stock up on Windex. On the outside of the windows I wipe away rain drops, on the inside I wash away the small hand prints that are eager to be buried in a sandbox.

Tomorrow's forecast? That's right, you guessed it, it's going to rain. So what plans do I have? Well, for now, it looks like I will be building an ark. I'll be breaking some of the rules though because I'm really not an animal lover. So anything with more than two legs needing a ride will have to wait for that guy with the long beard.

Looks like we're headed outside tomorrow. Oooooh kiddies!!!

Hero of the Week

The Hero of the Week column began about a month ago after I became frustrated with the nightly news. I thought it was time to give more recognition to those who change the world instead of those who try to destroy it. With that said, my Hero of the Week goes to Doctor Jonathan A. Roth.

Yesterday morning was spent at St. Christopher's Hospital in Philadelphia. Our little guy, Scooter was scheduled for out-patient surgery. Although this was not a complicated surgery, there is still some state of fear that you go through as a parent when your child is put in someone else's care.

The paper work, the tears, the minutes that feel like hours until your child is back in your arms. It was a rough morning for the whole family.

As we sat in the waiting room, we watched as doctors approached parents to give them the news that their child was doing fine and that a nurse would be out to get them soon.

Finally at 10:30 am (we had already been up for 5 hours) Dr. Roth emerged from behind the doors. But unlike the other doctors who took a seat right in the waiting room, our doctor pointed us to outside. My heart sank. Only bad news is given in hallways. What had happened? Where's my son?

Once the door closed behind us, Dr. Roth smiled: "He did great," he said.

He continued in this kind manner until he finished giving us directions. My husband and I thanked him and returned to our seats in the waiting room.

Here I was getting all worked up when in actuality what I had just experienced was an act of kindness. For a small moment, Dr. Roth went out of his way to bring us comfort. He took the time to step into our shoes and give some reassurance when it was needed.

For that reason Dr. Roth, you have been chosen my Hero of the Week.

Hero of the Week

As you know I started this column a few weeks back in response to the continuous violence that we witness on our nightly news. I thought it was time instead to report about the people who make an impact everyday; the people who don't wait for a pat on the back, a thank you, or even a "nice going." It is those values that make them hero's and worthy of a spot on Mommy Maestro's blog.

I had mentioned earlier that there may be weeks when this column is not published. Despite my efforts, I do fall behind on current events from time to time. This week was a perfect example. But alas, it struck me while having a conversation with my Mom. So in light of Father's Day, I'm nominating my Step-Dad Alex Bongart for my Hero of the Week.

Some people don't like the term Step. They look at it as some demotion. No matter how hard they try, they will never be your biological anything. I on the other hand use it with great pleasure when I speak of Alex, because to me, he stepped-up to the challenge.

Alex didn't come into my life until my Senior year of high school. I was pretty much set in my ways by then. Who would have guessed the impact he would make in my life.

When I first met him, he smoked a pipe filled with Cherry tobacco. I'm not a fan of smokers, but there was something sweet about that scent. He also had honest eyes. I told my Mom that he was a keeper, and around 4 years later, they were married.

I think this man has a multitude of goodness within him. Not only did he purchase my prom gown for me when my mom could not afford one, he actually helped me pick one out. He was there for all my graduations, and along with my brother; he walked me down the isle on my wedding day. When he got the news that I was going into labor 2 and a half months early, he left his job, stood at my bedside and tried to assure me everything would be all right.

Everything was all right. Today I have two lovely boys. Each are affectionately known as "Pop-Pop's Little Buddies." They cherish him just as much as I do.

Alex can always be counted on for an extra hand. When we purchased our pool, it was Alex who volunteered to help my husband build our patio. As I look around my property, I am reminded of the many projects that had Alex's signature on it at some point.

I will be forever grateful that Alex found his way into my Mom's life and into our families hearts.

I hope you are all as lucky as I am. Be sure to wish your own father's Happy Father's Day this weekend.

Everyone Needs to Shoot for a Goal (The Deer Above Your Mantel Does Not Count)

In three months, I will be alone. I'm referring to the fact that Scooter will finally be entering Pre-K, and Potter will be off to begin at a new school. This whole change has me excited, if not a little worrisome. Once upon a time I found silence golden. Nowadays, when things get too silent I go into Bionic Mommy Mode wondering what part of my house is being destroyed, and will Home Owners keep their half of the bargain.

Seven years ago when Hubby and I were looking at new construction, we seriously considered building a log cabin. It was something I had wanted since I was a little girl. Not long after receiving that packet from the log company did I see my dream go up in smoke. Just transporting the logs to the site was incredibly expensive. We decided then that we would save the log cabin dream as a vacation home someday.

Well, like most dreams, once you have children, you find that your money is needed for more important things. This is O.K. by me. Clearly, I decided to become a parent, and I want to be the best there is. However, I think having your own dreams is also healthy. Not just for you, but for your children too.

So here is what I've decided to do. Every penny I earn from writing is now going toward a dream. The dream is to start building that log cabin in five years. One may ask how I plan to do this since my Adsense account balance is only $1.31. Well folks, I'm a dreamer. I believe in possibilities, so therefore I will keep writing. This new endeavor has me quite excited, if not a little delirious. What will I write about? Should I stick to the everyday stuff that I've been writing or should I go for the "shock factor?" If you ask me, just waking up some days is quite shocking. Just the other day I found a Lego man in my sneaker. It seems that I don't have to go too far for inspiration. The children supply it in buckets.

Since I've been in this current dream state of mine, I recently pulled out the Bucket List book. (Yes, there's a book). I began a list in college of all the things I wanted to accomplish during my life. Surprisingly, I've been able to complete more than a few.

So there I was looking over the list when I noticed the next dream was to "take a ride in a race car." I know it sounds a little corny, but here's the deal. I once wanted to become a race car driver (helmet and all). As the years went by I realized I would probably miss my chance. So I did a little research. It just so happens that in a few weeks the family and I are headed to the Poconos for a vacation. Again, it just so happens that a few miles from our vacation home is the Pocono Downs Speedway. And oh yes, Nascar just so happens to run racing adventures for the day. Need I say any more?

After I finish this post, I'm headed directly to my purse to retrieve my credit card. It's time to live the dream. Ladies and gentlemen: "Start Your Engines!"

It's Official, Jimmy Hoffa is Buried in My Garage!

It may have taken seven years, but yes, our garage is finally being cleaned. I don't mean the yearly cleaning that one does to get rid of all the old stuff that has accumulated. I mean a down and out grudge match with the junk.

I walked in my garage about a month ago (I rarely go in much further than an arm's length to reach the kids bicycles). I was in awe by the mess. I say this with complete embarrassment, since I consider myself to be incredibly organized. It is however a trait that I do not share with Hubby.

When I met Hubby, I realized from the beginning that there may be serious problems down the line when it came to agreeing what must be thrown out, and what may stay around another year to collect yet more dust.

I'm not one for saving, storing, or hoarding. If I'm not using it, I probably never will. I am the queen of hosting yard sales, but you will never see me shopping one. Who needs all that junk? Not me!

My husband on the other hand suffers from Rainy Day Syndrome. He believes everything has it's time, even if it's ten years down the line. This includes everything from the extra molding when we finished our basement to the old microwave from our first home.

I thought I knew before I entered the garage what I may be dealing with. I was wrong. Apparently as the years have past, my Hubby's need to hold on to junk has gone into overdrive. Maybe out of consideration, I really shouldn't label anything junk. Let's face it, at one time, it made someone happy. But as I walked through the stacks of empty boxes, the hundreds of tools that were bought for that one project then discarded like old sneakers, a ripped solar cover, and the 50 gallons of paint we kept for that touch-up that never happened; I came to the realization that this wasn't making anyone happy.

Somewhere in my mind I was under the impression that a garage was a place reserved for parking your car. I would need super human powers to think I could park a car in my garage. Honestly, a Matchbox would even have problems finding space. In seven years, I've only parked my car in the garage once. We were expecting a big snow storm, so to avoid clearing off the car the next morning, I simply drove it into the garage. (This was obviously before things began accumulating). So, the snow storm came and went (2 feet that time). The next morning I went to the garage to retrieve my car for work. There was only one problem: I couldn't get the door open. I pulled, I pushed, I kicked, but it never opened. I think in some way that was my first sign. What goes into that garage, rarely leaves.

So there I was going through the mess. It's amazing the things that one will find, if only they look. I have since put many of these things at the curb for trash pick up tomorrow morning. However, if you hurry, you may be the lucky new owner of:

1) Half a case of Corona (left from my graduation party 2 yrs. ago)

2) An opened pack of swimmy diapers (size small)

3)Mosquito curtains for the gazebo (minus one. Hubby ran it over with the lawn mower).

4)Jimmy Hoffa's tombstone

5) A ceiling fan motor (sorry, no blades).

6)The Nixon tapes

7)A license plate (car not included).

If any of these items look like something you can't live without, please call the number at the bottom of your screen. Times a wasting, so hurry before you miss your chance. Call within the next 10 minutes, and you get every item on the list!